Massage-Parlor / Happy Endings Sexual Behavior

As these places are run by organized crime, massage parlors remain popular targets for law enforcement stings. Choosing to use these places puts an otherwise respectable and law abiding man into a story involving tragic abuse and exploitation, and should he be discovered, public humiliation that he may not have the emotional stomach to bear. I have had concerns of particular clients of mine suiciding over the consequences they brought upon themselves with this activity when it goes to law enforcement, and then the press. Men with amazing lives, great reputations and no history of legal trouble do not, emotionally speaking, manage it well when they are in the online and print editions of the papers for these choices.

The paradox of such bright and high functioning men able to manage careers, family, money, and life, losing their ability to “self protect” and simply avoid this obviously low payout and very self destructive choice highlights how some powerful, insidious and developed self deception was at work inside that man while he was making these clearly self destructive choices.

In my clinical experience with these behaviors in general, not just massage parlors, over the three decades specializing in this, I can say with confidence that part of that man that goes out on his own on this type of thing, and has his own very secure mental “container” that all these unacceptable actions, and his travels, and communications to facilitate this behavior stay in, is maybe always, maybe not, some remnant of childhood, where he was emotionally speaking, in his own lane in that childhood.

These massage parlor behaviors, along with the strip club, and sugar daddy behaviors, are in part some emotional self medicating in that they are a maladaptive way of managing stress and or an inaccurate /subjective view that they do not have what they need. This is not to say that their marriage is faulty or they think their marriage is faulty, it is to say that our subjective experience in our life can be very different from what a more rational part of ourselves would give it in a review.

One can simultaneously be “winning” in life, have more than one could ever need, and at the same time have a part of us that thinks we “need” something like this. So while a part of him may very much correctly assess that things are quiet good for him, and are going very well, there can be a subjective , erroneous bit of programming from his childhood suggesting he “needs” something and that programming would have him follow his childhood adaptations and make these arrangement’s alone.

In regards to how that man’s thoughts and feelings got that way, it is not to say he did not have two parents, or that the parents were substance abusers or mentally ill, or he was beaten, or he was sexually abused, or homeless as a child, or otherwise neglected in some concrete way, but it is to say that some fact or combination of facts about the environment he was in back then as child, forced him, at that time, to make an adaptation. This would be an adaptation where the “soloist” part of him, that we all have, became a bit too developed, and the integrated into the family team player that he then and now is had become just a hair underdeveloped.

A child does not choose their environment, and a child cannot shape their environment, a child has no choice but to shape their style, strategies and methods to their environment they are in. The part of him, that inside of the real, developed, loving, rewarding, functional family system he has today, built a completely independent secret “life” or “lane” as some call it, by him. The problem is he today influenced and carrying a strategy or adaptation he was forced to create way back those many years ago as a child.

For all of us, not just men in the position we have here, it is almost always the case that the adaptations we create in our childhood are never put up for review today by us to see if that adaptation made back then still works well today, in the completely different environment we have now. These adaptations created then, and carried to today, are carried to today, and used today, completely unconsciously.

These unbeknownst to the client self destructive adaptations can be recognized by the client when these adaptations or styles are pointed out, and put in the context of the environments then, how they were needed then, and how they are now not only not useful, they are very self destructive today.