Serial Affairs, and Fake “Affairs”
Serial Affairs, and Fake “Affairs” Treatment
I have helped clients discontinue both serial affairs, as well as the newer and more complicated issue of pseudo or “fake” affairs. I will be honest, persons suffering from being under the illusion that they are having an affair, in reality with a fake, and not who they say they are person, they met online, have some of the most persistent delusions, delusions that are incredibly resistant to any and all corrective information. It is not that I think I am less skilled at helping persons having “a fake affair”, with a fake account, its that I have not seen any clinician or non clinician, find an easy way to correct these illusions in the client.
These days, cheating is as close as a smartphone, this makes it both easier for affair addicts to cheat, and more difficult for affair addicts to stop. Webcam, email, chat room infidelity have waned a bit, but there are people still doing this. Social Media, chats, paid “lonely moms near you” websites, attractive “persons” met online but who are not who they say they are, can all blur the line between cheating, being scammed, and pornography addiction. In person, old fashioned affairs still go on, and they hurt the addicts partner, and need little explanation here as to how and why. Those people need help, but obviously that behavior is not a new phenomena.
What is the latest and complicated “affair” is, the peron who thinks they are having “an affair”, but they seem to be communicating with some type of con artist playing off the addicts weakness’, and he scammer not in it for the emotions, or sex, but in it for financial gain. The addicts resistance to the facts, to feedback, and help, that this is in reality a scam, can be beyond anyone’s expectations. This specific disorder has more resistance than you would imagine. This writer has seen persons of both genders ignore all reality to preserve the idea this person is “real”. This writer has seen persons of both genders create poverty for themselves in an effort to keep this “person” in their life.
If these behaviors are online, and with some of these, is it a real person, or is it a scam artist that pretends to be a real person, the partner cheated on experiences at least three losses.1: The fact of being cheated on.2: The loss of time and attention this addiction takes from their relationship with this addict 3: The sinking feeling in the non addict that they “have to” look out for the addict, as that addict is being scammed by a pretend, “attractive”, “available”, person, and the addict thinks this is all real, and the addict giving time, attention, and often money, to a online fraud and needs the help of the non addict partner, yet another task that non addict has to take on. One thing that has not changed from the birth of these online behaviors until now, is the amount of time put into these behaviors. It is an absolute constant in my decades of this work. All this time put into the addiction comes from somewhere. The time put into this behavior is deducted from real relationships, family life, work tasks, and other real work obligations and enjoyments.