Findom – Financial Domination Therapy
Findom is short for financial domination.
It could be said that Findom falls within the financial abuse area of BDSM. Among the many ways of making consequences for oneself with sexual behavior, although not a brand new behavior, this behavior may be one of the most recent to be a “thing” out there that people are engaging in, and making problems for themselves with.
Usually, Findom involves men sending large amounts of money to women in hopes of being financially controlled and humiliated. Most of the time, the two never actually meet, and this exchange does not usually involve any form of sex. Sometimes it is the case that the man engaging in this behavior has a partner in the real sense in addition to the Dom, that is a main relationship which is conventional, and this side Sub behavior is unknown to their real partner, and other times this FinDom behavior is substituted for a real relationship.
FinDom can be separated from “Seeking Arrangements” / Sugar Baby/ Sugar Daddy behaviors as Sugar Daddies give money in return for a fake relationship without any domination, and Findom participants give money for the domination. It has been said that members of the findom scene believe in matriarchy and are acting out their belief that women are superior to men, but this is erroneous, a myth created by non-clinicians operating in a clinical space, as this behavior is about the subs/ givers personal history, rather than societies history.
Each payor (sub) and each paid (domme) have their particular wants. The general idea is to sub like humiliation and put-downs, enjoying unkind, greedy, demanding, and insulting treatment. The men are spoken to in a cruel way and enjoy verbal abuse, and at times blackmail. It is obviously a counterintuitive way of seeking sexual pleasure, and those connected to that person acting out are often completely puzzled as to how this interaction is enjoyable, and the discovery of this behavior has wives and so forth especially upset, and wondering if there is any way at all to fix the relationship.
Money is a particularly emotionally loaded subject in our culture, and funds leaving the family to pay for this behavior can be exceptionally difficult for spouses to put behind them. A lot of what is felt in the sub-behavior is based on how society views money. Anyone knows money represents power, so it’s fitting that this behavior would be emotionally powerful.
A financial dominatrix can just open an Instagram, YouTube, Twitter, Periscope, or other account to attract men with this issue. In not very long, those men show up. As with many non-constructive ways to get one’s needs met, including sexual misbehaviors, FinDom is often a form of escapism and way to work around problems in one’s inner or concrete life, rather than fix those inner/subjective and or real-life matters that must be fixed.
The key element of Findom is the exchange of power. The Dom is in charge, and the sub must submit. Some may call the person paying a money slave, cash piggy, finsub, human ATM, or paypig. The Dominant may be called money master/ money mistress, findomme/findom, Goddess, money dom/money domme, or cash master. Hashtags often immediately attract subs, such as #findom, #cashmaster, #sugarbaby #humanatm #paypig.
Among the paid sex activities, Findom is often an extremely financially destructive fetish. As much as people can spend very large sums of money very quickly on prostitutes, you can give away your money even faster. Financial dommes, the ones getting paid, and financial slaves, the ones paying, can be very defensive about of this behavior, and rationalize what it brings for them, all while the rest of us look on and see harm to individuals, and families.
Because it is so new, Findom, is seen by many clinicians as too complex and (mostly) clinically undocumented, so it leaves clinical persons feeling they cannot fully understand or treat the behavior. Often those in need of treatment for this behavior find very little qualified clinical care available.
Some writers in the field, most not qualified to write on clinical matters of any sort, or if the writer is clinically qualified, they are at least unqualified to write on matters of sexual acting out, do not consider Findom to be dangerous, and they feel it can be lived out responsibly.
The reality on the ground, facts, not feelings or political views of the“sex positive”, is that lies, manipulation, pretend friendships/social connections, self-made poverty, and financial usury betray the lie that this is a victimless crime. Some therapists take the “sex positive” mentality to this issue, a model which I believe in, and use it here, to a moronic extension, where somehow any consensual sexual behavior is positive. Yes, making themselves poor with this behavior is consensual, but if it’s self-destructive, creates a financial hardship, or even divorce, it is no longer “positive”. We don’t need the clinician’s denial and misunderstanding to make the clients thinking, and outcomes even worse.
As an expert in sexual misbehavior, I am not judging anyone for paying for these experiences/feelings, there is nothing wrong with paying for an experience, I am asserting I have seen absurd, painful, and needless consequences from this behavior, and I have no interest in some poorly qualified person telling me these risks, that I saw, are not there.
There seems to be an unstated but very loud between-the-lines theme of retribution for misogyny that permeates those celebrating this behavior. The celebration seems to always be, completely unskilled, slightly or overtly derisive of other young ladies, making one thousand dollars an hour, for almost no effort, at the expense of lonely men, as if those men’s (albeit self-made) destruction does not matter in any way. You read articles by persons with no clinical training, not engaging in this behavior or having any exposure to it, making heroes out of people financially using other people. If one has any objectivity and brains, it all seems absolutely horrible, and not how things should run in this world.
THE DANGERS OF FINANCIAL DOMINATION
The dangers and consequences of financial domination are not just financial,
- Loss of job/ Poverty/ Bankruptcy
- Divorce/ Loneliness
- Decreased school/job performance
- Low self-esteem, Depression, and unhappiness
TYPES OF FINANCIAL SLAVE
I believe there are 4 types of financial slaves:
- The “Kicking The tires” slave – This guy browses and fantasizes about being enslaved. He lurks, but doesn’t act.
- The Electronic Collector – This guy is buying media, such as pictures or videos from the financial domme.
- The ‘Early’ Slave – This guy He buys gifts, sends cash via app. At first these debits are relatively small, but through progression, he goes farther.
- The ‘Late Stage Financial Slave – This guy is materially affecting his financial situation. Whatever he can afford to spend, he is spending more than that.
James Foley LCSW-R
I provide telehealth to New York, California, Texas, New Jersey, Connecticut, Florida, Ohio and Utah, please call me at 718-208-6135 and we can discuss if I am the correct expert for you. I intake clients quickly, most of the time the same week I’m called, sometimes even the same day. No need to settle for the generic therapist in your area; you can see me from anywhere.
James Foley LCSW-R