24 years of evidence based and research-oriented treating of sex addiction, sexual deviance, compulsivity, paraphilias, Professional Sexual Misconduct, serial affairs, porn addiction, cybersex, Certified sexual offending treatment professional
I have helped many clients with porn addiction and these great results were achieved by my not only helping the client see how their porn addiction disorder lies to them, but also how society lies about pornography. I bring porn addicted clients to a comfortable and confident place of insight into their disorder, and clients have the realization that they are now free, and can do so much more with their life now that they are in control. The issue of whether porn addiction is “real” is being debated. Porn addiction is definitely a behavioral addiction, that is clear. In any event, porn addiction is an obsessive compulsion to view pornographic material as well as a failure to stop oneself from doing so even in the face of consequences. It is obvious that the people watching porn in the “addictive” style feel and act more in line with drug users than any other group.
Mental Health professionals see many men, or at least the partners of these men, identify these men as suffering from a porn addiction, so the debate as to it being “real” can rage on, while I simply help those suffering. People addicted to porn have symptoms. They attempt to stop, have many failures to stop, go through symptoms of withdrawal that substance users experience, such as preoccupation once “triggered”, negative consequences, progression into more extreme material, progression into more time at this activity, progression into more devices this is done on, progression into more abandoning family/social/healthy activities, irritability when has to do without this behavior, and loss of interest with sexual partner
Pornography addiction can and does harm relationships, the addict has little use for a real partner. The partner paradoxically “owns” some of the addicts behavior and then has some negative views of self that have to be addressed. Vocational loss is the second if not primary destruction that porn addicts face. This writer has seen countless men who have ruined careers with both legal and illegal pornography, and an untreated porn addict is a work disaster just waiting to happen.
I have helped many men who have sent pornographic images to minors and and it is a not uncommon disorder in caseloads such as mine. Some receiving these images were real minors, some receiving these images were adults posing as minors. A portion of those men I helped also asked those real or pretend minors for in person sexual contact. The men who have sent pornographic images to minors did NOT do so because they got confused, were drunk, or had a bad idea. In regards to police posing as children, we all know the police are online looking for adults engaging in this behavior against children, any man who offended this way knows all of this as well. We all know teenagers, while maybe not telling their parents everything, tell their peers nearly everything, this is especially true for girls. Men who committed these behaviors online also know this.
Any person acting out this harmful to children and simultaneously very self destructive act is doing so because they have a disorder, one that is telling them things that are not only true, but simple things that those of us without a disorder all know are not true. Many persons who I saw after being arrested for for this behavior have the illusion that “the system” is the biggest threat to their liberty. This is not true. “The system” is not the biggest threat to those persons freedom. “The system” did not tell them untruths in order to get them to offend and potentially harm others and damage their own life. It is their disorder, alone, that lied to them, it is their disorder that had them ignore many simple realities they already knew. The disorder that they have is absolutely intent on making further consequences for them, and it is my, and my clients role, to see that the disorder does not succeed at this.
I am not an attorney, but my lay opinion is, if one communicates with a minor via a computer, either by sending pornography, or by texting the minor in sexual “chat”, they are guilty of Disseminating Indecent Material to Minors in the Second Degree, if that person also solicits that child for an in person sexual contact, they are instead guilty of Disseminating Indecent Material to Minors in the First Degree.
I can help people with voyeuristic disorder change the offense facilitating thinking that created this behavior, and assuming they were apprehended and suffered those consequences, rebuild their life post arrest. Voyeuristic disorder is a very strong, and very persistent disorder, that needs the most skilled clinician to keep clients reoffense free for life. I have extensive experience in this, and the other disorders addressed here, and I help my clients understand, and control their disorder, and confidently remake a full life for themselves. Voyeurism is a paraphilic disorder. Voyeurism is interest in observing unsuspecting people while they undress, are nude, or are in sexual acts. The interest is usually more in the act of viewing, rather than about the particular victim being watched, although the thinking and behavior can be focused on one particular person for an extended episode. A slang term for a person doing this is a “Peeping Tom”.
The point of voyeurism is that the person being watched doesn’t know. The victim is where they have an expectation of privacy, typically a bathroom, or changing area. Voyeurism pornography, rather than satisfy the disorder, actually makes the disoder much worse. Your brain and unconscious get programmed by these videos, to think the voyeur will have the same outcome as the man in the video, when this is not the reality. Internet videos of this behavior “teach” consciously and unconsciously, that you will not be apprehended if you engage in this activity. Depending on the videos watched, Internet videos may teach the voyeur that should they be discovered, the victims will like these videos made of them. Again, more non reality distorting the voyeurs thinking, and having him not understand the real outcomes he will create for himself should he engage in these acts.
The “spy cams” and “covert” electronics have added a new methods to what was once an in person behavior. “Illegal Surveillance” is being done to victims with “covert cameras” that are often not especially covert. The cameras that this writer sees for sale and that I have seen my clients use, to “covertly” surveil victims, are so obviously at one glance obviously surveillance cameras, that the disorder is present in the buying/shopping stage of the offense build up. Only a person with a disorder would think these cameras are “covert”. Anyone that thinks a poor quality home electronic, put in a very awkward spot, where it is not at all useful “will pass”, or a strange looking black box, that looks as if it was created by putting an iphone inside a coat hook, inside a battery case, “will pass”, has a disorder, and can’t see what the rest of us can see.
I have helped many clients who engaged in exhibitionism and it is a somewhat common disorder in caseloads such as mine. I help persons with exhibitionism see what is real, and what is their disorder talking, and what specific things they can change to increase their safety from this very risky and self destructive behavior. Below is some explanation of what exhibitionism is, and how otherwise rational , and functional, persons chose to act this irrational behavior out. Exhibitionism is the act of exposing ones breasts or genitals to an unwilling person for your sexual satisfaction. In legal language the act of exhibitionism may be called indecent exposure, or exposing one’s person. The latest version of exhibitionism, done electronically via text and messenger services, seems by far the most popular at this time. It is a form of exhibitionism often seen in workplace and schooling based offenses. Like in person, an exhibitionistic person can expose themselves to one person or literally thousands.
This unusual behavior is created by a disorder, one that affects the clients thinking in sometimes dramatic ways, and can be diagnosed as “exhibitionistic disorder”. Persons with this disorder do not see their victims negative and distressing experience, or their own legal jeopardy, for anything close to what those actually are. Exhibitionists have such disordered view of reality that they sometimes are thinking their victim may want to have sexual intercourse with them, the exibitionist may feel the victim is so unaffected by the act done to them the victim may likely not report it, the exibitionist may think the victim will become enthusiastic and reciprocate in a display of genitals, the exhibitionistic person may think the victim will simply enjoy the show, or that the victim may be impressed by their genitals.
Sometimes exhibitionistic specific porn plays a role in the exhibitionistic person having a very distorted opinion of what will happen after they expose themselves to a victim. In exhibitionistic pornography things happen that do not happen in reality. In exhibitionistic pornography victimes do no mind this behavior, or even are sexually aroused by a person doing this to them. Watching this material with these impossible responses by victims of exhibitionists makes the exhibitionist persons thinking much more distorted and makes the exhibitionistic person more likely to act out. Obviously the exhibitionist will be in a legally dangerous position doing this to an unwilling victim, what may be less obvious is the exhibitionist can be in a physically dangerous position engaging in these behaviors. This writer has had clients who were physically assaulted following their behavior. The disorder creates extreme focus on the victim, on the part of the exhibitionist, to the degree the exhibitionist may not see clearly visible nearby men, who will then apply vigilantism to the exhibitionist.
I can help, and have helped, many persons who solicit prostitutes to discontinue this behavior. I have helped even the most addicted clients not only leave this behavior behind for good, but for many of them, no longer even have a part of them that wants to engage in this. A change in perspective on this behavior, and an understanding of their disorder by the client, can greatly reduce the clients urge to engage in it, and leave the client much more comfortable than just “white knuckling” it. That term “white knuckle” refers to resisting an addictive behavior through sheer will power, rather than getting yourself to an emotional place where you are comfortable, and do not even want that substance or behavior anymore. I want my clients not only leaving these behaviors behind, but feeling good about themselves, and ready to go on to life’s next challenge. Below I will give some explanation of the addictive version of protitution use.
Although the “use” of prostitutes was more acceptable in our culture several generations ago, and it is good to see patronizing prostitutes is a much less socially acceptable behavior than it once was, but sad to say, this behavior still occurs. It is an abusive activity, that is for some person’s, develops into a full on life changing addiction. Many Prostitution Addicts see prostitutes very regularly. The addict may move from one “visit” every other week, and as their progression of behaviors continues, on to seven visits per week. The Prostitution Addict may use the same woman each time, or a new woman each time, or some variation. The addict sometimes believes they are “friends” with the prostitute, while some other prostitution addicts have no illusions as to friendship. The industry of protitution is built on, and runs on, the exploitation of the drug addicted, human trafficked, or otherwise unfortunate. Anyone participating in paying for Prostitution is contributing to the harm of others. I am aware of some newish “sex positive” theories as to why prostitution is not harmful, but the reality, as practiced, not the theory, is that prostitution is a form of sexual abuse of less fortunate humans, by more fortunate humans, that comes at the mental and spiritual expense of both the buyer and the seller. The prostitution addict does not see the fact that this behavior is changing him for the worse.
The Prostitution Addict is not able to recognize all the pain and exploitation in these situations that the rest of us see very easily. Despite the rest of us seeing the situation very plainly and for what it is, the Prostitution Addict is not able to see the financial harm this does to himself, or if he is especially wealthy and this spending does not jeopardize him, he cannot see the irrationality of his spending his money this way, even if he can afford it. The Prostitution Addict’s disorder has him to see two adults fairly and equitably making a mutually beneficial deal, when in reality, the deal is harmful to both parties, and comes with many risks the addict ignores. All Prostitution addicts have some delusional thinking as to the harm they think they are not doing onto this other person. All Prostitution addicts have some illusions as to this behavior not harming himself. All Prostitution addicts have serious illusions as to their legal and physical safety during these behaviors, with their disorder having them dramatically discount down the probabilities of arrest or assault when they are engaging in these (typically) illegal behaviors.
Strip Club Addiction is a sad and lonely disorder, and I have helped clients let go of this expensive and paradoxically isolating behavior. Strip Club Addiction is disruptive to the clients life, actual responsibilities, and interferes with the client developing a reality based romantic, social, and sexual life. My clients who have engaged in this behavior have often had other similar commercialized sexual behaviors they needed my help with. In addiction to the leaving this behavior behind, my other goal I typically have have for clients is to have a real world life, not based on deception by others, self deception, and the client paying person’s for the illusion of a human connection. I have had great success in this.
I will include some description of this behavior below. For many, right or wrong, a visit to a strip club was a right of passage. Sadly, these places and behaviors are often considered a part of our culture. This behavior is not what we want of our sons and daughters to do, but engaging in it does not by itself mean sexual addiction is present. The strip club addicts are the regulars, who know the dancers “stage names”, and maybe even the dancers actual names. The bar staff may know the addicts name, the door staff may know the addicts name. The addicts are there for hours. The addicts are there alone. It’s a ritual for the addict.
Strip Club addicts get themselves confused as to “roles” in the club. Some addicts successfully succeed in socially connecting with a dancer, and then the Strip Club addict thinks they are “friends” with the dancer. Strip Club addicts give away money, do favors, and do strange chores such as long drives state to state to other strip venues, all this seeking the “love” of a dancer. The addict not seeing the dancers don’t really feel for him, and the addict is not seeing he does not actually respect the dancer. She is an object. The Strip Club addict burns through time, money, and energy in this fake environment. All this while actual life is going by, real opportunities ignored, real obligations unattended to, real persons in his live forgotten and suffering and sometimes financially doing without.
I am are here to help you. Don’t hesitate to give me a call today. No judgment and help you can trust.
You will be charged a prorated hourly fee for any report writing, telephone conversations lasting longer than fifteen minutes (which is rare), attendance at meetings with other professionals regarding your case even more rare, preparation of records for above.
Please be aware of the fact that Managed Care is a system designed by healthcare insurance companies to increase stock share price, dividends paid to shareholders, and increase Healthcare Insurance CEO salary and bonuses, and your HMO was not in any way designed to improve your mental health treatment, nor was it created to see that your confidentiality is respected.